Beginnings

I don’t typically look to country music for life advice but it appears I may change my tune (pun intended) after a recent listen. It was something along the lines of ‘I wish I could learn how to drive again.’ I’m butchering the exact phrase but I was not aware that country music was so philosophical and this lyric hit me and I chewed on it for so long that now I’m here sharing my digestion of what it means and how incredibly valuable it was.

I have spent the majority of my life trying to get through, hurry past or rush the beginner phase of things. This part in the process feels like constant adversity, defeat and struggle. The waves of ‘you should know how to do this’ ‘why is this so hard’ and ‘I can’t believe you aren’t getting this’ washes over me at a steady and relentless pace. Let’s cut with the pleasantries shall we, being a beginner really f*cking sucks.

But this song begged the question: what if it actually doesn’t suck?

Lean all the way in because I am about to share a whisper of another perspective that might change your life, I know it changed mine.

The thing that you are learning, you will never learn again…this is it. Where you’re at as a beginner in this process you are going through will never be granted to you again. This is the first and final time.

Holy. Shit.

I will never feel the rush and fear of putting my car in drive for the first time without my Mom guiding me in the front seat, I will never ask for a raise for the first time or push live on my first video, ever again. Everything that comes after will be built upon what I have learned as a beginner but I never learn this for the first time ever again.

That thing you are learning, that thing that makes you ball up your fists, scratch your head, scream every bad word in the book, causes your butt and belly to tighten and simultaneously makes you have to pee with nervousness; that’s the gift. It’s the thing that reminds you that you are alive, shows you that are capable and puts enough fire in your ass to make you show up when you are terrified.

Now it’s one thing to write beautiful words about what a gift something is and the lessons that twang-filled lyrics provide but it’s quite another to put this into practice but as the universe often does, she asked me to put my money where my mouth is and test this new perspective less than 12 hours after the whisper of perspective change. I was challenged to become a beginner at wake surfing. I climbed out of the boat and acknowledged my butterflies out loud ‘I’m a little nervous’ I said as I zipped up my life jacket and grabbed the surfboard for the first time. I slid off the platform into the water and reminded myself one very important thing: this will be the very last time I ever learn how to do this, I will never be here again.

What happened next was insane and if I didn’t experience it first hand I would say it was too good to be true. I popped right up and immediately felt the rush of excitement lasting so short any good bull rider would not count the 8-second ride. I hit the water like a baby giraffe filling all orifices with water, I had no clue what I was doing. The irony was that I wasn’t disappointed or frustrated which are my typical side kicks in beginner adventures; I was grateful. Grateful for the opportunity to learn yet another thing for the first time and be reminded that the outcome is completely irrelevant if the process is destructive. The value came not in the end result but in the journey of me having fun and letting myself appreciate the moment of learning and the kindness I showed myself. I became my own best friend, hype squad and proud mama bear; I finally understood that in the process of building and creating what I want in my life, I get to be the hero. I get to appreciate what I previously would call the suck because I deeply understand how important it is to be a beginner and what a gift that truly is.

I hope this inspires you to be a beginner in the thing you really want to do.